You know, the one from last time I said was a long story? About how I accidentally told my current flame I love them?
It’s really not that long; just embarrassing, really.
This guy and I were dating casually for a year or so. He cancelled our plans on my birthday, I got mad, he realized I was way too serious, he called things off.
He came back some months later. Started talking again. Apologized. He’s back in my life.
During a text message conversation (which I could probably pull up, screen cap, and post here except I really just can’t be bothered right now) he said “you love me.”
I’m an idiot.
Flash back to when he dumped me in Jan 2015. I wrote him a letter. Which I then sent to his apartment, assuming he probably wouldn’t get it because I HAD TO TEACH HIM HOW THE GODDAMN POST WORKS (he’s foreign, it’s not his fault, it was cute, moving on). In that letter was the following bit:
I sincerely doubt I’ll get to tell you in person now, I just wanted to write to say I love you. You ARE an adventure. You DID change my life. And I hate that I misread things and spoiled something that used to be so easy.
I’m not going to ask you to come back to me a third time, but know that if you decide to, my door is open. At least to talk.
I would like to take this moment to reiterate that I am an idiot.
Now flash forward to me telling you he never got the stupid letter.
But when he said “you love me” I assumed he knew and read the letter, so I responded with “yes, but I don’t see how that matters” to try and play it cool, to which he responded “yes it does” but didn’t really catch what I meant. I didn’t catch that he wasn’t aware of the subtext and we went about our business until the next time he innocuously and colloquially said “you love me.”
Witness the horror that ensued.
Him: you love me
Me: Yes, and?
Him: Just saying
Me: Shouldn’t have told you. It’s clearly gone straight to your head.
Him: No. I know its the hair
Me: See. That is exactly what I mean.
Him: No I mean I know its not me its the hair.
Me(not having caught on yet): No I mean that’s exactly what I mean by it doesn’t matter. You don’t take it seriously.
Him: You don’t actually love me (mouse emoji)
Me (still not getting it): don’t be shitty.
Him: I’m not. There was a question in there, I didn’t know.
The most obtuse freaking idiot ever (Me): You didn’t know what?
Him: That you thought of me that way.
And that children, is why you should always have face to face conversations where you can read the context of the situation.
Also: never write sappy love letters they have never done anything but leave material evidence.
I’m sure someone, somewhere out in West Hollywood, whips my letter out at parties for a good laugh whenever they so please.